Hi friends, I hope you’re all doing well!
Today I wanted to chat about a book I recently finished called Find You in the Dark by debuting Canadian author Nathan Ripley! I must say before we even get into it, how impressive is this book for a debut? I thought it was a great reflection of what we could find from this author. Not really sure what he’s writing now, but I’ll definitely have to look into it!
I remember picking this book up along with Vampire in the Lemon Grove in my college town, a book I made a post about last year here. It seemed like a good ‘ol detective chases criminal with a twist, and I’m a sucker for mystery and thriller series, so it sounded like a good choice for me. And let me tell you, I went on a journey with this book.
But before I tell you about it, I’ll quickly go through a synopsis of the book to get you interested if you aren’t already! After that though, the field of spoilers begins, so proceed with due caution.
Synopsis
Our story revolves around Martin Reese, whose hobby is to dig up murder victims of acquired stolen police files he buys from a confidant. He calls them in anonymously, taunting the police from failing to complete their job. He catches the attention of Detective Sandra Whittal, who is suspicious of “the Finder’s” actions and sees the potential for him beginning to kill.
As Sandra gets closer to finding the Finder, Martin realizes that someone takes offense to him finding the bodies. Chased by both a cop and a killer, Martin needs to make the decisions he knows how to best defend his family.
From that synopsis, I was hooked all the way. I’m a big fan of mysteries, thrillers, and above all, psychological, which this series looked like it boasted. But now, let’s get into the meat of this review, which will be on our main character, Martin Reese.
Martin
Rather than feeding more into its mystery and thriller elements, which is what the book sets you up to be expecting, the story focuses on the parallels between two very similar but different characters. I think the quote on the back of the book from the New York Journal of Books really illustrates this very well. It says: “A chilling story of a man who could have conceivably become a serial killer put against one who actually is.”
I feel like that quote sums up the book very well because throughout the entire book, you are questioning Martin’s sense of morality as well as if he’s even sane or not. And after reading this book I really do not feel like he is sane. I feel like there is something wrong with him. I am not a psychologist so I can’t diagnose him, but something mental is not right there. I found myself feeling creeped out more by his inner thoughts rather than his dialogue with other characters because he would think some fucked up shit.
“So, you at what, sixteen? You were breaking into the houses of certain young ladies and spending a creepy time pacing the premises…”
“…We know Martin Reese has an ancient peeping record, that Waring was probably using it to blackmail Reese, and that Reese for some reason hasn’t told us this.”
Keith Waring to Martin on pg 129 and Sandra on pg 258
Especially when he would refer to his days of stalking as a teenager, and how he stalked his wife and her sister. Keith brings this up to blackmail Martin into stopping the buying of the police files and Sandra discusses this with her cop buddy slash boyfriend Chris as well. My opinion on whether Martin loves his wife is very ambiguous, though I’d say it leans towards what he actually does. It’s just that some of the stuff he says about her in passing and when referring to his digs is just creepy. It’s a warped sense of love language. The way he even loves Kylie feels warped as well. I’ve included a list of quotes that come from Martin’s internal monologue about the two of them that instantly raised red flags.
- Pg 101: “I knew I wanted to marry her, and the thrill of finding Jenny together would be a unique bond, a confrontation with the unhappy world that lay outside our happy union.”
- Pg 126: “Jason and his partner watched Tinsley, way back then, the way I’d watch Ellen before we met, planning something I’d never dare to say to myself or even think at a certain volume. The thoughts I’d had until Ellen had come to real life, approaching me and suppressing whatever it was inside me that wanted to do what Shurn and all of the other men like him had done.”
- Pg 206: “The notion of picking a fight with Ellen was hilarious, suddenly– a smile almost ambushed me but I caught it.”
- Pg 352 (Martin to Kylie): “Did you do anything wrong? That night up there when you brought me back. Did you do anything wrong?” “I did exactly what I had to do to bring you back, kid. How could it have been wrong?”
In addition to that, you question his morality a lot during this book, even before the conclusion happens. His interest in digging up these murder victims, to the naked eye, seems like a sort of heroic move after learning that his wife’s sister was murdered by one of the serial killers he pursues, Jason Shurn. However, knowing his juvenile record made my opinion turn sour as time went on, and the way he just talked about the victims sounded very insensitive and self-motivated in a negative way. Even just that one quote I posted, about how finding one of them would’ve been an exciting thing for him to share with Ellen. To share? That’s weird, bro.
However, I don’t think he’s morally grey nor he is bad. He clearly thinks of himself as morally superior to Frank. I think he has good intentions and doesn’t really have the potential to develop into a serial killer like Sandra thinks. Whenever vivid detail of killing comes into his head, whether he’s seeing Frank commit them, reading about them, or doing it himself, he seems emotionally detached, but not feeding into it in a sexual or gratified way like Frank does. He doesn’t feel anything while killing. Instead, I think he has an unrealized trauma response to it as well as a weird fascination with it. This is evident when he continually remembers killing Keith Waring, even though he didn’t do it by choice.
“The needle slipping into his neck, my finger pressing down. I reenacted the motion in the steaming air of the bathroom, watching my thumb slide toward my index finger, the lightness of the motion required to end a life.”
“Now gone, just a body, a life extinguished to become a monster’s weapon.”
Martin ruminating on ending Keith Waring’s life on pg 189 and his feelings on Rochelle Stokes’ body on pg 265
Though it’s also ambiguous, because Martin also mentions that the more scared Gary became when he was antagonizing him before killing him, he says he gets calmer. What is that about? And then while killing him, he feels nothing. It’s terrifying to read his perspective at times, and upon reflection of all these details, it just shocks me. How do we really describe him? The way that the book concludes though, who is to say? I think it’s up to individual readers discretion on where they think their moral compass lies.
Frank/the Ragman
The reason I titled this post the way that I did is because Martin is very similar to the adversary he faces near the middle of the book to the end. And it makes you really see Martin in a better light than this guy. Frank Connell is initially pissed off that Martin is digging up these bodies because he worked with both Jason Shurn and Carl, both of the two people he coaxed into killing all of those people. So in reality, he’s the mastermind behind the entire operation.
It’s clear Frank gets sexual gratification from watching others kill rather than doing it himself. Near the end of the book when Martin kills Gary, Frank is chubbing up on the side and when Martin asks him to do something for him, he basically says, “Sorry bro, was too busy being hard over you killing this dude.” So we see where his motives lie. In addition, he dehumanizes a lot of the victims because he’s too busy worrying about getting off.
Frank poses as the Finder when he murders Bella Greene, likely his only solo kill to raise Martin’s attention. He even does a little Finder-like call, which trips Sandra very badly into thinking Martin would escalate. So it’s clear that he’s cocky and knows he can get away with a whole lot. Even though he’s skillful, his downfall is leaving his crimes in the hands of other people. Had he been a murderer himself, he would have had no weaknesses. Likely unsolved cases, in my opinion. However, I quickly realized he was developing a pattern when he tried to have Martin be his next vehicle for crimes very early on before Frank even said it out loud.
“I think you’ve almost caught up to me, right? But I never gave you a good reason to take me seriously. There’s one waiting for you, and I’ll leave more soon. I’m tired of other people’s memories. Time to make some of my own. Of our own.”
Ragman’s Finder-like message on pg 106
My interest in Frank, even though a lot of his analysis I already did, is how seemingly his regular identity is fragmented from his killer identity. I feel like he sees himself as two different people, not two facets of his personality converged into one. He asks Martin to call him the Ragman but only changes his tune at the end when he is confident Martin will do his bidding for him. He does get murdered by Martin, so we don’t really get much of a background on him besides the fact he was Jason Shurn’s buddy in prison. Little glimpses and hints are given, but no exact trajectory on why he is the way he is is outlined. I’m interested to see what that would’ve been, but I guess it’ll forever be a mystery.
“He’d killed Frank Connell and resurrected the Ragman, and now the Ragman could kill Martin, as soon as he finished Frank off himself, with this box of soap cloths.”
Frank’s inner monologue on his identity on pg 308
Sandra & Chris
I felt like Sandra and Chris’s dynamic was definitely one of the super smart disgruntled cop and the dumb guy. However, it doesn’t stick to that dynamic because a lot of Chris’s theories about Martin, Keith, and Frank’s involvement in that whole web were right a lot of the time. A lot of the guesses that Sandra made were right too, but I just felt like because of their dynamic it made him look stupider than he actually was. I feel like he’s a very competent cop and he actually has a lot of value as a detective, but because of Sandra’s arrogance, she shoots down all of his ideas and I really wanted that “I told you so” moment at the end of the book where everything came together in the way that I wanted, but that never came.
As for the romance, I feel like it’s a toxic dynamic because again in their careers they undermine each other and then we’re expected to feed into the romance and like it by the end? That’s not it for me. I did like their inclusion in the story and it was a good twist from a typical detective chase criminal type of story which I really appreciated.
The Conclusion
I was really rooting for Martin to pull a fast one on the Ragman and either kill him or have the cops meet at the perfect moment before he kills Gary and then have a whole good wrap-up ending. But no, instead he not only kills Gary he kills Frank then he goes back to the detectives and lies to them and says it was a ploy concocted by his cop friend Keith, Gary, and Frank.
At that point, I was questioning him more than I had throughout the entire book, because what do you have to gain from lying? At the end of the day, Sandra already knows you’re the Finder, you told Kylie about the digs already, so why are you lying? That ending with that specific trajectory hindered this book from getting a 10/10 because I wanted him to be normal and just express the truth but he couldn’t even do that. But what I will say is even though I didn’t get the conclusion I wanted, I still enjoyed going through the book and having that very large rising action to the moment of the conclusion so I feel like the payoff of that was less of a spit in the face when we got to the conclusion so that makes me feel a little better.
Concluding Thoughts
Overall, even though I was unsatisfied with how the story ended, I liked the journey. The rising action up to the climax was honestly the best part, and I enjoyed reading into and analyzing each character. Even though the characters are flawed, they’re interesting, which made me keep reading.
Let me know how you felt about the book if you’ve read it!
I hope you have a great day/night/morning/evening/afternoon or whatever time it is for you out there in the world. Thanks so much for checking out my blog! Much love!
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